1. |
$alutation
02:23
|
|||
|
WHAT DID YOU GIVE TO FIT IN ??
none comprehend this chaos within-
this, re-cu-cursive recapitulation,
this, sadness salutation,
this... A, B, C, P, T, S, D of me.
From young; unconditionally conditioned-
as if, obliteration was the mission,
as if, self-hatred were the vision,
and I'd do ANYTHING to fit in
oh! it's me; fractured mess of nonsense, madness, sadness... i digress; how are you?
because this SPOTLIGHT is a getting a little warm for my social anxiety, and~
forget about me! What else can we point to?
Dissociation is *so* second nature that I forgot what first nature felt like.
FALLING
FADING DOWN DOWN DOWN I GO
here I am, the shadow, hollowed husk of a sad soul, wondering if anything can ever really be made whole?
it's in my darkest moment I feel most poetic; stressed, depressed, doing my very best to make sense of it
and i know after these rants that I'm blocked by your algorithms
i scream into the void hoping someone can find some meaning of some kind
..id like to find that myself.
I'd like to shake this hell we feel well and move on in health
but it's hard to hold hope, when moving through time and space is just really really painful- I stay still for self preservation, pardon the hesitation, but i'm a little overwhelmed.
BUT if I could, I would, choose the bliss of okayness; to be okay, and impose okay on the world would be just great, okay?
Okay, great. so what do I do?
What do I do?
what did I do to deserve this?
i've been searching around the world for some sense of purpose..
i can stuff down these emotions, for what feels like forever,
or explode in some capacity, as a quaint cry for help;
it's the peril of duality;
the optimist inside of me
will more than likely kill this cry come morning,
but tonight before i go, you should know..
tonight, the shadow speaks out;
what do I do?
|
||||
2. |
hardcore
04:20
|
|||
|
hey remember in September,
I think the 22nd, in 2011?
when your *favorite* game was updated with additional difficulty, removing respawning & any semblance of safety ~ or was that just me?
🧟♀️☠🕷🧟♂️🕷☠🧟♀️
back then it was so peaceful
& we never had to hide a thing
brilliant innocence, creating
we could do most anything
i took my wolf out walking
back then she was my closest friend
then night fell; we lost direction,
all around us growls & hisses, foreshadowing the end
surrounded & terrified, i can't take much more
this wicked world is so hardcore
the creatures of the dark
broke my heart, broke my heart,
the creatures of the dark broke my heart
we always could start over
now im thinking that's no longer true
move on to a brand new server
..but i can't do this without you
surrounded & terrified, i can't take much more
this wicked world is so hardcore
these creatures in the dark
smashed my heart, tore me apart
the creatures of the night
put out my light and stole my life,
the creatures of the dark broke my heart
surrounded & terrified, i can't take it anymore
this wicked world is too hardcore
|
||||
3. |
make it
03:51
|
|||
|
look at you. back then you were *so* defenseless.
vulnerable, and weak.
you know,
insects *typically* hide their softness inside, behind a hefty shell.
that is why i am here.
im the part your mind created to survive.
[-(o)-] [-(o)-] [-(o)-] [-(o)-]
if i, taake it, & breaak it, i can
faake it, & until i maake it, & maybe
save myself from all the struggle, of working double to stave off trouble
break it to make it
hey it's me, fractured mess of a sad soul
wondering if anything can ever remain whole
crystal lattice shifting, chipping at the strain
the stress test press of persevered pain
& that's how we fall apart,
the fractured mind follows the shattered heart
the homemade mosaic, manufactured in their image
held back from the start with no chance to finish
but ive got a plan to make me some p(i)e(a)ce
this Pleasure-To-Have-In-Class aims to please
& if I punish every piece of me that doesn't fit the mold
I can undo every hurtful thing I've ever been told
if there's any tenacity left, then TAKE IT
& if any part is the wrong shape, just BREAK IT
& if it hurts too much, no sweat, just FAKE IT
& then perfect star power is yours once you MAKE IT
taake it, & breaak it, i can
faake it, & until i maake it, & maybe
save myself from all the struggle, of working double to stave off trouble
break it to make it
taake it, & breaak it, i can
faake it, & until i maake it, & maybe
save myself from all the struggle, of working double to stave off trouble
break it to make it
⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐
never getting hurt again
never getting hurt again
never getting hurt again
never getting hurt again
never getting hurt again
never getting hurt again
never getting hurt again
|
||||
4. |
half
04:08
|
|||
|
was i broke, or did i break myself?
was it my bad, or maybe someone else, woah
im angry half the time.
did i get broke? don't feel like myself,
slowly changed into something else, woah
all I wanna do is cry; I'm angry half the time
so here I am, the shadow, hollowed husk, of a sad soul, wondering if anything can ever really be made whole.
it's in my darkest moment I feel most poetic! ..stressed, depressed, doing my very best to make sense of it
and i know after these rants, that I'm blocked, by your algorithms
i scream into the void hoping someone can find some meaning of some kind
..id like to find that myself.
I'd like to shake this hell we feel too well and move on in good health
but it's hard to hold hope, when moving through time and space is just really really painful- I stay still for self preservation, pardon the hesitation, but i'm a little overwhelmed.
BUT if I could, I would, choose the bliss of okayness,
to be okay, and impose okay on the world would be just great, okay?
Okay, great.
so what do I do?
was i broke, or did i break myself
was it my bad, or maybe someone else, woah
im angry half the time.
did i get broke? don't feel like myself,
slowly CHANGING into something else, woah
all I wanna do is cry; I'm angry half the time
ohh.
|
||||
5. |
stuck
03:25
|
|||
|
sometimes i don't feel ANYTHING AT ALL
sometimes i feel im too much & yet feel so smol
sometimes im so self absorbed; im so self obsessed,
but sometimes im trying my best
sometimes i struggle
sometimes i struggle with words
sometimes im hateful
sometimes i lash out & hurt
sometimes im grateful, ooh
sometimes
so today i really hate myself & im REALLY GOOD AT HATING THINGS
i admit im not *always* like this, it depends on what the day brings
but sometimes i have a lousy start & i throw away the rest
but sometimes im trying my best
sometimes i struggle
sometimes i struggle with words
sometimes im hateful
sometimes i lash out & hurt
sometimes im grateful, ooh
sometimes
|
||||
6. |
we get us
02:18
|
|||
|
if i tell you all my secrets that control me, will you still hold me?
& will you hear me when i open to tell my story, will you still hold?
& you do.
ooh, cause i got you,
you got me;
we got each other
& if you ask me, then i will listen
& i'll be there to hold your hand
& if you ask me if i understand,
i do.
i got you,
you got me;
we got each other
& if you ask me if i understand,
i do.
oh oh, you're never alone,
cause i got you,
you got me;
we got each other
i got you,
you got me;
we get us
|
||||
Tottom&Bop Olympia, Washington
transfem, neurodivergent duo Tottom&Bop are wild & real.
their experimental indie electronica,
semi-immersive lofi, partially poetic pop knocks off socks. they bend genre almost as much as gender. their contemplative content centers stories of queerness, trauma, & our place in healing the whole.
... more
If you like Tottom&Bop, you may also like:
2562 Neon Flames
by Neo Geodesia
Sparkling abstract electronic music that reflects on the passing of Neo Geodesia’s mother during Khmer New Year 2562.
go to album
THIS IS A SMOKING AREA
by VARIOUS
This brilliant 18-track compilation hosts an array of music across the electronic spectrum, from gurgling lo-fi to hi-res avant-garde.
go to album
Romeo Moon - Feelin' / Twin Haus - Emperor Oppressor
by Romeo Moon
featured on Bandcamp Radio Oct 3, 2017
go to album
This collaborative album considers the notion of time, with each of its electroacoustic tracks unfurling at a measured pace.
go to album
A fascinating, shape-shifting record from Chinese experimental rap artist OHYUNG, melding frenetic pop with noise and drone loops.
go to album
Sounds Of Survival From Ukrainian Underground
by various artists
All proceeds from this compilation of spaced out sounds from underground Ukrainian musicians go to support the artists and their families.
go to album
featured on Bandcamp Radio Nov 26, 2013
go to album
